I’m Just Sayin… Mariah Carey

Of Mariah and Mermaids

In the 90s, few things were bigger than Disney movies. Of these movies, none was better than the Little Mermaid (except the Lion King…Africans always hold it down). Ariel is a flighty songstress with aspirations of being a regular human. She willfully traded her voice for a pair of legs, and a real chance of love with Prince Eric.

The only thing bigger in the 1990s than the Little Mermaid? Mariah Carey. Mariah’s music played the soundtrack to our childhood lives. All of our mothers jammed “Vision of Love” like there was no tomorrow. Everybody has sung “Hero” at least once during elementary assemblies . Mariah got even more fly when she re-discovered her black side.

Why am I talking about the Little Mermaid and Mariah? Follow me, here. Because I’m convinced they’re the same person! Yeah I said it. Mariah IS the Little Mermaid. Let’s look at the similarities:

1. Like Mariah, Ariel can sang her [wild donkey] off.
2. They’re both crazy. Mariah babbles and strips in public, while Ariel combs her hair with forks (WTF?).
3. History tells us that mermaids were created by seamen (getcha mind out the gutter) who mistook swimming dolphins for long-haired, scantily-clad, women-fish. Ironically, Mariah specializes in singing high notes that sound a lot like the noise Flipper makes. And we all know Mariah has a particular penchant for bare midriffs and mermaid-weave.
4. Both of them apparently sold their voices for a great pair of legs.

So this begs the question….if Mariah is Ariel, does that make Christina Aguilera the same person as Ursula? I mean, isn’t it odd how Mariah’s voice slowly dissipated in the late-90s right as Christina started to get her shine? In fact, I’m convinced that Mariah’s recent proclivity towards whisper-singing and constant hand-flailing is a desperate attempt to distract us from the fact her voice that disappeared faster than D’Angelo’s abs.

Disagree if you want, but why else do you think Mariah voice drifted off to whatever purgatory is holding Lauryn’s sanity??

I mean…I’m just sayin’


One response to “I’m Just Sayin… Mariah Carey

  1. Had me rollin yet again! Personally tho, I’ve always thought Beyonce was Ariel come to life. Could one day be her oscar winning role. I kid.

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